So, I’m currently 12 days out from hyst and excision, and a week out from my second look surgery. I was finally able to sit at a table and work on the 1,000 piece puzzle that I purchased, thinking that I would have been bored and able to sit up from day 1. Wrong! I was not prepared for how long “acute” recovery from excision would be. I’ve totally made up the term acute recovery, but it’s the only way I know how to describe the hard bit of getting back on your feet after surgery. I realized before the hysterectomy that the road to recovery would be a long one, thanks to the great info on Nancy’s Nook, but I didn’t think I’d be in bed so much immediately following the operation. 

The hardest parts have been walking with any sort of urgency (it just wasn’t an option until yesterday, it seemed), bending over (I had a breakthrough Easter Eve as the Easter bunny (aka BSO bunny) performing the stoop and throw egg placement in the yard at midnight armed with a head lamp. I TOTALLY should’ve woken my snoring spouse for help, but I’m stubborn.), sitting upright (that felt plain old awful) and  getting out of any sort of horizontal position. Picture a June bug on its back. Luckily, my family didn’t squish me for want of my gymnastic ability. Beetles have feelings too. Another hard one has been the sudden impact of my ovaries being gone, but that’s for another post. 

The harsesr part with regard to pain has been any sort of gas or digestive disturbance, so to speak. Because endo was found on my bowel and rectum, in addition to adhesions, my insides look like “dog’s breakfast” (my doc’s words). About three days post-excision, right before my first BM, I was in excruciating pain. The kind you get sweaty from and double over from and think you may have to pass out from and hope you aren’t awoken by some handsome beast who finds you splayed out whilst wearing a skirt, limbs akimbo, lady parts on display. Yeah, that kind. 

My doctor assured me this was completely normal and might peak at 10-12 days post-excision as the healing process progressed. I think we are getting there, and now it’s a mild pain that a bit of breathing gets me through. But on Monday it sucked and my husband snapped a photo of my family helping me through one of those episodes, before the boys left town for home while I continue to recover at my parentals’.  

My mom came over so I could hold on to her, and then the little guys followed suit. I can’t emphasize enough how much my friends and family have been there for me during this struggle. 

But I love the struggle right now. I know it’s good pain-I feel I’m moving towards a place where there may be no pain. I’m under no illusion that I will live a pain-free  life; and my doctor, because he is an excellent doctor, has made no guarantees. He can say, “I don’t know”, when he doesn’t bloody well know. And that is so important to me, because I’ve been given the lines of oh take contraception and that will treat you, or take Lupron and that will treat you, have this laparoscopy and that will treat you or have a hysterectomy, that’s the sure fire way to treat you. 

The truth is we don’t know if my endo will show up again. He is confident he removed everything he could see, and as one of the world’s leading surgeons I obviously have confidence in him. But he is able to say, we don’t know the whys or hows of endo, and he takes this disease seriously, which is more than any other doctor has done for me. And oddly, his ability to admit to the unknown is what allows me to trust him. 

So, my future is uncertain, but I’m feeling so good already. I can tell that the pain has changed. The heavy, sick ache from what turned out to be adenomyosis has left me. Just like that. I’ve still got pain, but it’s a signal to me that my body is healing. For the first time in my life, I’m at peace with pain. I’m not sure how long it will last, this tranquility, but for now I’m embracing it as my body’s message that everything is going to be okay.