Recently, I have been having a horrible time with the effects of endo. I was on Zoladex up until today when I decided not to continue. Every morning I wake up with pain, and it persists all day. Evenings are the toughest because I have to be “on” so to speak to make dinner or drive kids to activities. I shy away from making commitments on week nights because I am usually ready to collapse come 7 p.m. I wasn’t able to keep a promise I had made to a new friend to check out the products from her new business. I really want to support her, but right now I can only maintain a minimum of existence which is frustrating. Last night the pain was so bad I vomited. There was no way I was going to be able to show up. I come off as a flake, but this is the way it is right now.
So I ask my fellow endo warriors, what do I do? Do I stop making plans, further isolating myself? Do I make plans with the caveat that I might not follow through? I’ve committed to substitute teaching for a week at the end of this month. Do I keep that, or inform the school I may cancel at the last minute, thereby potentially risking them not calling me again to work?
As people with a chronic illness, how do you handle these situations? Historically, I’ve been a very social person–I’m very loyal and always keep my word with the exception of force majeure. Now it seems my life is one big force majeure. I want to stay in the loop with others; I do not want to isolate myself. However, isolation is looking more and more tempting because I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings or letting anyone down.
How do you navigate your social lives while living with a chronic disease?