When to make plans, and when not to?

Recently, I have been having a horrible time with the effects of endo. I was on Zoladex up until today when I decided not to continue. Every morning I wake up with pain, and it persists all day. Evenings are the toughest because I have to be “on” so to speak to make dinner or drive kids to activities. I shy away from making commitments on week nights because I am usually ready to collapse come 7 p.m. I wasn’t able to keep a promise I had made to a new friend to check out the products from her new business. I really want to support her, but right now I can only maintain a minimum of existence which is frustrating. Last night the pain was so bad I vomited. There was no way I was going to be able to show up. I come off as a flake, but this is the way it is right now.

So I ask my fellow endo warriors, what do I do? Do I stop making plans, further isolating myself? Do I make plans with the caveat that I might not follow through? I’ve committed to substitute teaching for a week at the end of this month. Do I keep that, or inform the school I may cancel at the last minute, thereby potentially risking them not calling me again to work?

As people with a chronic illness, how do you handle these situations? Historically, I’ve been a very social person–I’m very loyal and always keep my word with the exception of force majeure. Now it seems my life is one big force majeure. I want to stay in the loop with others; I do not want to isolate myself. However, isolation is looking more and more tempting because I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings or letting anyone down.

How do you navigate your social lives while living with a chronic disease?


13 thoughts on “When to make plans, and when not to?

  1. I have dealt with chronic pain and illness for a long time. If your friends know you, and knows up front you have bad days and worse days, if they are indeed your friend, that will not look at you as a flake. All you can do is the best you can. Explain to the school how much you want to teach and your fear if you were to be sick. Speak from the heart. Don’t stress about it because will make you sick.I’m sorry you have this trouble. Keep as many positives going as possible. Always say “I can”, not “I can’t” because both will come true.

    1. Thank you for your encouragement and advice, SonniQ. I told the school admin what I was dealing with and everyone was so accommodating and flexible, and were happy to have me teach when I could. My new friend did not think I was as flaky as I was projecting! And you are right-it is important for us to stay as positive as possible and look for the “I cans”. Soldier on, SonniQ

      1. There are those who think they can – and those who think they can’t – and they are both right. When we start thinking ‘I can’t’ on bad days then we will lose.

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