So it’s the night before my second look surgery. I’m only 4 days post excision and hyst/BSO, but my endopro likes to do a “second look” for adhesions. The sciecne behind this is if the healing process is interrupted at a certain point, and surgery is performed to remove the adhesions that have already started to form, the body will continue with its healing process where it was and not go back to the beginning. Since I seem to produce my own Elmer’s I immediately wanted to do it.
On Saturday night, though, totally in pain and in emotional and home from the hospital, I thought how in God’s name am I going to be able to do this in just a few days? It’s psychologically taxing knowing you’re going to be cut open in the same places, and that your recovery so far has only been a dress rehearsal. But because I am an endo warrior, I am resilient. We have lived with pain and a slew of other afflictions for so long that we always find a way to soldier on. For me, the long-term goal is starting every morning with all of my spoons-or at least most of them (checkout the spoon theory). I want to be healthier for my kids, my husband and most of all me. I have no guarantees as far as how successful the excision will be long term. My endo may come back, or crop up in other places, or be totally gone forever. The experts just don’t know. For now, the fact that I can tell my post-surgery pain is different from the chronic endo pain is so encouraging. That I have found an excision expert who really knows what he is doing but is the kind of doctor that can say “I just don’t know” is encouraging. Not wanting to pull into myself and isolate myself is encouraging. Having the strength and courage to share my story with all of you is encouraging. Knowing that there is the real possibility of a life without pain out there in the near future is encouraging.
I want you to be encouraged, too, even if you’re doubled over in pain right now during your period, or during a flare up. I thought I had run the gamut of treatment options and that this was my lot in life-until I found support on Nancy’s Nook which led me to a worldwide excision expert in my state. I challenge you to find a little sliver of hope today-in the kind words of an empathetic friend, in the helpful acts of one of your children, in the relief of a hot bath, wherever it may be-and hang on to it. Today might be dark, but tomorrow you might find a way to get your life back.